Preview: How Dating Apps Create A Sea of Sameness

Spoiler Alert: There's going to be an audio edition of each of the Privacy Tips you read here at StupidSexyPrivacy.com

If I did the math right, there's at least 200 of them.

So, I had to make a tough decision.

I could upload everything into one Podcast feed with Stupid Sexy Privacy.

This way you'd get the weekly podcast, beginning August 28th, AND the 200+ Privacy Tips.

Or.

You could get the weekly Podcast delivered to you every Thursday at midnight.

And the (erratically published) 200 or so Privacy Tips in a separate feed.

I decided to put the Privacy Tips in their own feed.

I didn't want the flagship show to get lost in a sea of these six minute (or less) clips.

There's going to be A LOT of them.

There's also no set posting schedule for Privacy Tips.

I'm just going to do them as I go.

Aside from these interview excerpts. These are basically advertisements for the upcoming return of Stupid Sexy Privacy, and they'll feature clips from some of the guests we spoke to for the new series.

These excerpts will run once a week until we run out of them.

Here's the first, featuring Dr. Treena Orchard, author of "Sticky, Sexy, Sad" which I recommend you read.

Privacy Tips with B.J. Mendelson Episode 1 Transcript

Hello everyone, this is B.J. Mendelson, and I'm one of the producers here at Stupid Sexy Privacy.

I'm also the guy who writes all the privacy tips you find at StupidSexyPrivacy.com, so make sure you subscribe to that newsletter.

Right now we're posting a lot because we're trying to get all the ... to get as much stuff online as we can before the launch of the show. But it really should update like three times a week. So, if you want a newsletter that's gonna update three times a week, that's gonna tell you how to protect yourself from fascists and weirdos, all you gotta do is sign up at https://www.StupidSexyPrivacy.com.

Now we're currently in production of our second mini-series, thanks to our friends at DuckDuckGo. The first Stupid Sexy Privacy mini series, and I gotta tell you ... Stupid Sexy Privacy, every time I say it, it's so hard not to trip over it. So let's try that again ...

Okay, the first Stupid Sexy Privacy mini series ran back in 2022 and 2023. For those of you who missed it, we're gonna re-air every single episode from the original series starting August 28th. But we don't think you should wait until 2026 to hear from some of the experts and special guests we're currently speaking with.

So what follows is a sneak preview of our interview with Dr. Treena Orchard. Dr. Treena Orchard is currently an associate professor and faculty scholar at Western University's School of Health Studies, and is the author of the book, "Sticky Sexy Sad."

You know, lately I've been overwhelmed by some of the books I've been reading as part of the research for Stupid Sexy Privacy. And Dr. Orchard's book is beautifully written, and each paragraph is so dense. And I mean that in the best way possible.

Each paragraph really could easily be its own book. There's just so much going on in there. I was just, you know, when you read books from people in the academic world, you don't know what to expect. I've read some that I was excited about and they just turned out to be real clunkers. Not because of anything the author did, but just because when you write in academia, you have to write a certain style, you have to write a certain way. And that just, you know, having done grad school, I can say, that style kills the fun.

And Dr. Orchard's book is not like that at all.

Like, there's a lot of fun to be had. It's wonderfully written. Everything is densely packed. Like Stupid, Sexy Privacy. "Sticky Sexy Sad" is a mouthful to say. But the name of the book, again, is "Sticky, Sexy, Sad." I enjoyed reading it, and I hope you'll check it out before the full interview airs.

And now we're gonna get right to it ...

Interview Excerpt:

BJ Mendelson: Dr. Orchard, thank you so much for joining us on the show. I was hoping we could start by talking about meh. One of the points of Stupid Sexy Privacy is to highlight how these apps and platforms shape our behavior. Can you tell us about how the dating apps have created a sea of sameness in terms of how we date, how we communicate, and how we love?

Dr. Treena Orchard: "Chapter four, called "Copy and Paste," that seems to get relatively little love, and I'm not sure why. But I think maybe it's because a lot of us have just sort of normalized the dreariness, the sort of challenges associated with dating apps that we haven't unpacked, like why and how does this work? And why are all of our stories so similar?

Part of it has to do with the fact that we're all using the same platforms in which directly shapes the outcomes and our experiences. And also the design of the platforms leaves very little room for variation. They're very, very standard ways of moving through it. It's left, it's right. Sometimes it's up if you want to, you know, give someone extra points. Sometimes you do that by accident, which I've done more than once. But in terms of user engagement, it's fairly static, you know?

And then to look at the way that people, at least in my experience, were communicating with me. And it just seems to be that they've all watched the same porn. Or they've all rehearsed the same kinds of fantasies that they want to do, or perhaps they have lived out in real life. And the role of gaming culture also plays into it, too, because dating apps are designed like little slot machines, and gamified life is very, very common. And we do it, we swipe, we do it in so many different aspects of life. And I think that it can kind of make us treat one another as though we are avatars, which is a representation of a person as opposed to a person.

So those are some ways that the apps themselves, and how we use them, can kind of lead to experiences that are, as I say, in chapter four, sort of copy and paste."

BJ Mendelson: Today's preview of Stupid Sexy Privacy was recorded at the DuckDuckGo podcast studio in Los Angeles, California. I'm one of the producers of the show, B.J. Mendelson.

Special thanks to Dr. Treena Orchard for joining us. I've left a link to purchase her book in the write-up below. These links will take you to bookshop.org, which is a great alternative to Amazon. And if you purchase a book using that link, they'd also send some money our way to support this project. There's no obligation to use that link, of course, and doing so costs you nothing extra.

We'll be running clips from the new interviews each week here on StupidSexyPrivacy.com, so make sure you subscribe to that newsletter and I'll see you real soon.

If you want to read Dr. Treena Orchard's "Sticky, Sexy, Sad" you can purchase a copy here through Bookshop.org