Creeps, Weirdos, and the Art of Post-Breakup Self-Defense
Hidden Cameras are a serious problem. So too is what that creepy ex-partner of yours is up to. So here's what you can do about both in this week's episode of Stupid Sexy Privacy.
Hello, my friends:
It's BJ. We're just about done with pre-production on Stupid Sexy Privacy. In the next week or two, you'll hear some slight tweaks as we wrap that up. I honestly didn't expect to spend as much time as I did this month reworking the older episodes, but I'm glad we did.
I mention this because this week's episode has a bunch of tweaks. So, if you're not registered yet as a member—it's free to do so—I definitely recommend you sign up. Registered members get access to the transcript of this week's episode with all the updates. We do this to keep the AI data scrapers from stealing our stuff.
As an added bonus, people on this mailing list will be the first to get both a free PDF and an MP3 copy of our new book, How to Protect Yourself from Fascists & Weirdos.
P.S. Right now, you're getting this newsletter once a week on Friday morning. We will resume a twice-weekly format as we get closer to the holidays: a new privacy tip on Monday and then the new episode of Stupid Sexy Privacy on Friday. Both will be in your inbox by 9 a.m.
Episode 5 Show Notes
Stupid Sexy Privacy, Episode #5
Episode Title: Creeps, Weirdos, and How To Protect Yourself From Both After a Breakup
Guest: No interview this week.
Episode Summary:
Key Points:
- It's no secret that the police and the law enforcement are not great at protecting women in America. So extra steps are needed to keep yourself safe from creeps. We recommend using a hidden camera detector. There's a few options, if you scroll down you'll find one in our resources list.
- I know this is easier said than done, but IF possible, if you are ending a relationship where you shared your devices with a partner, you need all new devices. The laptop we recommend is a Macbook Pro because you'll get a solid decade out of it if you treat it right. For most people in most cases, that's the safest device to use.
- IF you get a new Macbook Pro, make sure the Firewall and FileVault are activated, and that you NEVER back anything up to the cloud. Use an external hard drive instead. We talked more about that here in a previous post.
- If you have an iPhone and want to back-up your stuff or transfer stuff between your phone and your Mac use iMazing. We also recommend BitDefender for anti-virus protection (linked below). And don't forget a VPN. For most people in most cases, the one DuckDuckGo provides works great. If you are in a more extreme scenario, or you have a profession with some risk involved, use Proton VPN instead.
Remember:
-When possible, don’t sync your main phone to your vehicle.
-Use a secondary device with a headphone jack and auxiliary cable, if you can to listen to your music and podcasts instead.
Book Excerpt Takeaways:
- The Internet of Things and Privacy Concerns: "As we move toward more and more items in and around our homes and on our bodies having their own internet connection, it's important to keep in mind that each of those nearly 9 billion devices are collecting and transmitting data about you too."
- Dynamic Data Explained: "For the sake of clarity, I will refer to the data collected by most of your personal devices as dynamic data, because that data changes over time. Dynamic data refers to information that closely reflects your everyday reality."
- Who Pays To Host All That Data? It's You. "Who pays to store all that dynamic data?" Spoiler Alert: It's not the tech companies. It's you. That's why everyone's electric bill is going up.
4. The Consequences of Data Usage: "You may enjoy the free stuff now. But the use of your data by all these other parties is certain to bite you in the ass later. And not in a sexy way." The easiest way I've found to explain why you — yes, you — should care about the consequences of data collection by these companies is that it makes you vulnerable to scammers and fraudsters. Also fascists, but people tend to get the MOST upset when you tell them all this data collection can cause them to suffer the consequences of identity theft.
Credits:
SFX for this week’s episode were provided by:
- Struggle between two people.aif by jsburgh -- https://freesound.org/s/235681/ License: Attribution 4.0
- SFX for the Ring Bell Provided by ZapSpalt
Resources (No Affiliate Links. We use this stuff too.)
Get Your Privacy Notebook: Get your Leuchtturm1917 notebook here.
Recommended Products
-BitWarden.com (Password Manager: easier to use, costs money)
- KeepPassXC (Password Manager: free, harder to use, but more secure)
-Slnt Privacy Stickers for Phones and Laptops
Our Sponsor: DuckDuckGo <--Recommended Browser and VPN
Get In Touch: Contact The Show Here
This Week’s Full Transcript
The following transcript was lightly edited. We’ve also updated some of the information from the original episode (which aired in 2022) with new information from 2025.
DuckDuckGo Commercial
DDG: Here are three reasons why you should switch from Chrome to the free DuckDuckGo browser.
One: It's designed for data protection, not data collection. If you use Google Search or Chrome, your personal info is probably exposed. Your searches, email, location, even financial or medical data. The list goes on and on. The free DuckDuckGo browser helps you protect your personal info from hackers, scammers, and data-hungry companies.
Two: The built-in search engine is like Google, but it never tracks your searches. And it has ad tracker and cookie blocking protection. Search and browse with ease with fewer annoying ads and pop-ups.
Three: The DuckDuckGo browser is free. We make money from privacy-respecting ads, not by exploiting your data. Download the free DuckDuckGo browser today and see for yourself why it has thousands of five-star reviews. Visit DuckDuckGo.com or wherever you get your apps.
Show Introduction
Rosie Tran, Host: Welcome to another edition of Stupid Sexy Privacy, a podcast miniseries sponsored by our friends at DuckDuckGo. I'm your host, Rosie Tran. You may have seen me on Chime TV's A Brand New Yay or on season two of Peacock's Comedy InVASIAN. Aside from organizing with your friends and neighbors, laughter is one of the best weapons we have to fight fascists and weirdos. So if you need a good laugh, check out my episode of Comedy InVASIAN, which is called The Hanoi Honey. After you're done listening to today's episode.
[Note to readers: Peacock has the episode listed as The Saigon Honey, but Rosie prefers we use the name she intended for the special.]
Clyde The Duck: Quack!
Andrew VanVoorhis, Co-Producer: He doesn't like self-promotion.
Rosie Tran: I mean, Clyde is a duck. He doesn't like a lot of things: Hawks, the scent of lemon oil, and people who try to give him bread.
Clyde The Duck: Quack! Quack! Quack!
Rosie: I'm not trying to give you bread!
Clyde The Duck: Quack! Quack!
Rosie: Andrew, can you inform this duck that if I don't tell our listeners who I am, then I'm just some random person on the Internet.
That means there's no human connection and they're not going to care about what we have to say.
I might as well be an AI. And if that's the case … is he seriously looking at a stopwatch right now?
Andrew: Clyde's gotten super into time management.
Rosie Tran: This is what happens when BJ gets depressed for like two years and puts a literal duck in charge of the show.
*Clears her throat*
Speaking of BJ, over the course of this series, we're going to offer you short, actionable tips to protect your data, your privacy, and yourself from fascists and weirdos.
These tips were sourced by our fearless leader — He really hates when we call him that — BJ Mendelson.
Episodes 1 through 24 were written a couple of years ago. We're re-airing them now because most of that advice still holds. Everything you hear after episode 24 is going to be brand new, including this introduction.
Andrew: And anything we need to update from the original episodes can be found at StupidSexyPrivacy.com.
Rosie: That's right. So make sure you visit StupidSexyPrivacy.com, and subscribe to the newsletter.
Now, for those of you who don't know, BJ is the author of the book “Privacy: and How We Get It Back.”
Alongside Amanda King, who you'll also hear from in this series. BJ is writing a sequel called “How to Protect Yourself from Fascists and Weirdos.” So everything we're going to present comes from two actual humans who research and study this stuff for a living.
Clyde The Duck: Quack!
Rosie: OK, OK, two actual humans and one super-intelligent duck.
Although I don't know how intelligent that duck really is. Especially when he keeps forwarding Andrew and I emails with a subject line that says “1986's Howard the Duck is good actually”.
Clyde The Duck: Quack! Quack! Quack!
Rosie: It's a bad movie and you know it.
*Ring Bell Dings*
Andrew: Okay, I gotta separate these two. Remember to visit StupidSexyPrivacy.com and let's get to today's privacy tip ...
Today’s Privacy Tip: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.
Rosie: Last week, we mentioned how properly protecting yourself in the 21st century costs money. This is especially true for women. That's why we've highlighted the importance of a hidden camera detector. You want to use your hidden camera detector to sweep hotels, Airbnb, or a stranger's bedroom for any recording devices. We know, this feels very tinfoil-hatty, but as we said before, police and our legal system often fail in protecting women from creeps and weirdos.
[Reader note: We re-ordered the episodes. So what was originally Episodes 5 and 6 you’ll hear in November, since they were built around American Thanksgiving. This is the original Episode 7. So if you’re like, “Last Week?” That’s what happened here.
Also, there are a few different Hidden Camera Detector options. The one most often recommended is the Milwaukee Spot Infrared Imager unit. But they're expensive. About $300.
A less expensive option is using the Haven App. If you have an old Android phone floating around, you can install the Haven App on there and use it to look for hidden cameras. We'll talk more about Haven in a future post.
There's also a $60 option from Mic-Lock called the Camera Finder Pro.
Either way, we think a hidden camera detector is a must have for women who travel alone. Once you have your device, you'll want to inspect the room carefully.
If you're not sure where to look for a hidden camera, one trick is to turn off all the lights and then look for the LED lights in the room coming from the room's devices.
You also want to look for any holes next to the smoke detectors or walls and in the vents.
The big thing is the bathroom. Look for any holes in the wall or objects facing the shower (and the bed.) Look behind the towels too.
If you find anything suspicious, when in doubt, cover it up. ]
Rosie Tran: So to follow up, this week we're going to talk about breakups.
In particular, let's talk about what you should do if you're ending a relationship. One where you shared a device with a partner or spouse.
Now, there are a lot of things you can do to protect yourself. But the simplest and easiest for most people is to purchase all new devices. The problem is, you can't cheap out here.
If you buy something refurbished, you won't be the first person to touch the device. There's nothing wrong with buying refurbished devices. In fact, in most cases, we recommend it as a great way to save money. But …
If you're concerned about your privacy, it's important to get a brand new device. And even more important, you have to make sure you're the only person to have touched a device upon its arrival at your home.
For example, if you have a friend you trust, you can give them cash and have them purchase a new laptop and smartphone for you. Just make sure they don't open it up. That's something only you can do.
What kind of laptop should you get? We recommend a Macbook Pro.
While there are more secure, and less expensive, alternatives, for most people in most cases, an Apple laptop will work just fine. It’s also the easiest for them to use and the safest.
But you'll still need to take some steps to secure your device.
[Reader's Note: In the event you can't purchase new equipment, a factory reset is a good first step in better protecting yourself.
You're also going to want to set up a VPN using ProtonVPN or DuckDuckGo’s VPN. For most people in most cases, the DuckDuckGo VPN is the easiest to use and less expensive than Proton.
If you are dealing with a particularly obnoxious creep or weirdo, or if you work in a field that attracts creeps and weirdos, than you’re going to want to use ProtonVPN instead of DuckDuckGo. That's because Proton's VPN works smoothly with additional defenses like the Protecli Vault.
Although Macs don’t (often) get viruses, we still recommend a good anti-virus. We used to recommend ClamAV (which you can hear Rosie suggest in this episode) but now we recommend people use BitDefender.
BitDefender will cost you some money, unlike the free ClamAV, but after trying to walk people through using ClamAV, we found BitDefender was the best option for most people in most cases.
We also recommend the free tools: Task Explorer and KnockKnock, which can help identify malware on your computer.]
Rosie: For now, you'll also want to make sure your FileVault is turned on, as this will encrypt your files and help secure them on your new device.
While you're there in your system settings to turn on FileVault, make sure you have also activated your firewall.
[In a future episode, we’ll talk about how to utilize NextDNS.]
Rosie: And we hope this goes without saying, but with your new device, make sure it's password-protected at all times. Nobody should have access to your new device without your permission.
One more thing this week. iCloud is not your friend. Don't use it.
So while you're in your system settings on your new device, make sure you're not backing up anything to Apple's servers. Put all of your stuff onto an external hard drive instead.
This will keep important photos and files safe, just in case something ever happens to your new laptop.
While Apple is great at a lot of things, its track record with securing things like iCloud leaves a lot to be desired.
If you own an iPhone, use iMazing instead to move your files safely onto your new laptop and then onto your new external hard drive.
We've included a link to iMazing in the show notes below.
Commercial Break
Amanda King, Stupid Sexy Privacy Co-Host: Hey everyone, this is Amanda King and I'm one of the co-hosts of Stupid Sexy Privacy.
These days, I spend most of my time speaking to businesses and audiences about search engine optimization.
But I do want to take a minute to tell you about a book I co-authored with BJ Mendelson. It's called How to Protect Yourself from Fascists and Weirdos and the title tells you everything you need to know about what's inside.
Now, thanks to our friends at DuckDuckGo, BJ and I are actually releasing this book for free in February, 2026.
And if you want a DRM-free PDF copy? You can have one.
Or maybe you want a DRM-free MP3 of the new audiobook; you can have that too.
All you need to do is visit StupidSexyPrivacy.com and subscribe to our newsletter. Again, that website is StupidSexyPrivacy.com, and we'll send you both the PDF and the MP3 as soon as they're ready. Now, I gotta get out of here before Clyde shows up. He doesn't think SEO is still a thing, and I don't have the time to argue with him. I got a book to finish.
This Week’s Book Excerpt
Roger Wayne: Your data, but not your choice.
Where your privacy is concerned, it's not just the data you submit or what gets scooped up by a hidden service like Octazen that should worry you. Personal privacy is a serious matter. However, as we move toward more and more items in and around our homes and on our bodies having their own internet connection, it's important to keep in mind that each of those nearly 9 billion devices are collecting and transmitting data about you too.
And this data presents another opportunity for the violation of your privacy and the potential use of your data against you. In theory, there shouldn't be a problem with owning and using something like an Apple Watch or an Amazon Echo. But like they once said on The Simpsons, “in theory, communism works.”
The idea of an Internet of Things might seem completely foreign. That's okay. Much like the cloud and big data, the Internet of Things is really just a fancy name to describe internet-connected tools that find their way into your home, your body, and your city. The term can also be used to describe those awesome refrigerators that tell you when your milk has expired, and even go to Amazon to order more milk for you. Even if self-stocking frigidares aren't your style, some of you might be driving around in cars right now that are Internet enabled.
Or have devices installed in your cars by your insurance companies, with your consent, to report your travel data back to those companies in exchange for a discount on your premium. In keeping with using Simpsons quotes in this chapter, “Oh, they have the Internet on computers now!” At the time, in 1997, that joke was hilarious because you could only access the Internet from a desktop computer. But today, and going forward into the future, it's reasonable to believe that more than a few people would be surprised to learn that the internet on all their devices could also be accessed with a computer. Scary, I know, but we're getting there.
I was just told recently that movies from the 1980s qualify as classic movies. So, I'm not kidding when I tell you that someday soon, kids are going to be surprised to learn that the internet is also available on their computer, assuming they even own a computer at all.
That means you have to take pretty seriously the concept of everything in your house, on your body and in your neighborhood, being connected to the internet. That's no longer a discussion for the future. It's a discussion for now. And remember, there are sensors and cameras everywhere now too. That's not hysteria or science fiction. It's fact.
You might imagine that lot of issues surface when talking about data collection and privacy where this new frontier is concerned. For the sake of clarity, I will refer to the data collected by most of your personal devices as dynamic data, because that data changes over time. So we're not talking static data here, i.e. data that won't change like your social security number.
Dynamic data refers to information that closely reflects your everyday reality. In other words, the foods you order through Seamless, the series you watch on Netflix, your house temperature, your heart rate and pulse. These things are dynamic. One example, every morning for the past month, I've had to take my blood pressure, pop some medication, and take my blood pressure again. My blood pressure changes, hopefully, and I have to log this data to give to my cardiologist. I know. So sexy.
My blood pressure is a great example of dynamic data. And since I log my blood pressure into a Google Sheet, Google now has a running record of the changes in my blood pressure. The data is dynamic. It's different a half hour later than what it was before.
These are some questions that should come to your mind when thinking about the dynamic data you produce.
What if that data is intercepted by a third party?
Who pays to store all that dynamic data? (Spoiler Alert: It’s you. Not the Tech Companies.)
What company wants to store this data?
What decisions are going to be made with that data?
Who owns it?
What do they plan to do with it?
Is my data encrypted?
Is my data hosted on a secure server whose software is updated regularly?
Are you in good hands?
A great example of a company interested in dynamic data is Nest, the Alphabet-owned division that explained “it takes privacy seriously" Despite having experienced a security breach involving your data, sharing other data with Google when they were still independent from them, and having numerous rumored data sharing partnerships with other companies interested in your data as well.
Not to mention the Nest Cam, the always on camera that you can access remotely, which by the way, is also storing that video footage for you to access later in “the cloud.”
Where is that footage being stored and who else has access to it? (The police, for starters.)
Even if you're not overly concerned about the Nest thermostat, you might want to be concerned about that camera.
Especially now that Nest has rolled out a version of the camera that's made to be placed outside your home in the name of security. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with these products. I'm just saying you should be mindful of who has access to the information those products are taking in. Especially if that information is going to be used against you. Which is one of the few other credible reasons out there as to why you should care about all this privacy stuff to begin with.
You may enjoy the free stuff now. But the use of your data by all these other parties is certain to bite you in the ass later. And not in a sexy way.
DuckDuckGo Live Read
Rosie Tran: There's no Stupid Sexy Privacy without our friends at DuckDuckGo. So if you want to thank them for making this show possible, we hope you'll check them out. Because Stupid Sexy Privacy is a people-powered project. With a couple of exceptions, like producing podcast transcripts through Riverside. We don't use AI.
Everyone who works here is getting compensated for their time, effort, and energy. The only way that's possible is to find good partners like DuckDuckGo.
So, today we're going to highlight DuckDuckGo's web browser, a tool millions of people have switched to in order to safely search and browse the web. And the best part is the DuckDuckGo browser is free. Just like all the content we create at Stupid Sexy Privacy.
We make our money from DuckDuckGo.
DuckDuckGo makes its money by selling privacy-respecting search advertising.
These are ads based on what you've searched for. They're not generated by data gathered without your consent.
And on your phone, the DuckDuckGo app offers a nice additional layer of privacy. It does this by blocking invasive data harvesting from the other apps on your phone.
For example, when BJ wrote this ad in the last hour, DuckDuckGo's app tracking protection blocked 218 tracking attempts by Substack and four other apps on his phone.
And in the last week, DuckDuckGo's app blocked 9,202 tracking attempts across 11 different apps. This included 43 tracking attempts from the Starbucks app. Despite the fact that BJ hasn't been to Starbucks in over a month, at Stupid Sexy Privacy, we're never going to recommend you use something that we don't use ourselves.
So, do you want to take back control of your personal information? Well, there's a browser designed for data protection, not data collection, and that's DuckDuckGo. Make sure you visit DuckDuckGo.com today. And check out this episode's show notes for a link to download the DuckDuckGo browser for your laptop and mobile device.
Show Outro
Rosie Tran: Today's episode of Stupid Sexy Privacy was recorded at the DuckDuckGo podcast studio in Los Angeles, California. It was written by BJ Mendelson, produced by Andrew VanVoohris, and hosted by me, Rosie Tran. Before we go, I want to give a shout out to our other co-host, Amanda King, and our sponsor, DuckDuckGo.
If you enjoy the show, we hope you'll take a moment to leave a review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you may be listening.
This won't take more than two minutes of your time. You see, we have this crazy goal and we need your help to achieve it.
We want 5 % of Americans to be 1 % better at protecting themselves from fascists and weirdos.
Leaving us a review could help make that happen, because your review will help other people find the show.
So please, take a moment to leave us a review and we'll see you next Thursday at midnight.
Right after you watch my episode of Comedy InVASIAN on Peacock, right?
Clyde The Duck: Quack!
