Hello Friends,

You know what's really funny? I do this other project, and each week the articles are like 6,000 words.

And people say, "God these things are long."

And then I look at the word count for episodes of Stupid Sexy Privacy once the transcript is ready, and this week — for example — is just over 8,200 words.

So, I'll keep this intro letter short and sweet.

Back in Episode 2 and Episode 3, we interviewed Tracy Chou, CEO of Block Party. Since then, there are new rules governing America's ability to look at the social media history of tourists who want to visit our declining empire. About five years worth of history to be exact.

That's why tools like Block Party are important. So if you have not heard those episodes, we encourage you to go back and check them out.

Don't let the fascists and weirdos keep you from visiting the ... uh, well I guess Niagara Falls is still nice. But you can go through Canada to see that.

I mean look, this place can be great. But right now? We're not so great, and I'd tell you to save your money until we sort some stuff out. Hopefully sooner rather than later. (After all, that's why this podcast came back. We're here to help move this process of restoration and resurrection along. We want to clean up the mess we've made.)

But let me tell you: This planet is amazing. Just amazing. Please go and visit anywhere but here.

But if you insist on coming, use Block Party to make sure your profiles are squeaky clean, and remember our advice from Episode 12 about going through customs.

I'll see you next Thursday. Hopefully a little earlier than when most of you are getting this right now.

-BJ

Show Notes

Stupid Sexy Privacy Show Notes For Season 1, Episode 16

Episode Title: Artificial General Intelligence Doesn't Exist, But Here's How to Hide From AI

Guest: Frank M. Ahearn, Blackmail and Privacy Expert.

Episode Summary: "How to Disappear" author, and Black Mail Expert, Frank M. Ahearn returns to the show this week. Frank explains to BJ how one could use extreme privacy mentions to evade the fascists and weirdos looking for you with AI. Not the smart kind of AI, that doesn't exist and probably won't in our lifetime. But the dumb currently available kind that can sift through mountains of data. Rosie also shares tips on what a Stranger Danger Phone is and why you should get one of your own

Key Points From This Week's Privacy Tip

-Behold! The Stranger Danger Phone! Don't use your real phone for online dating, job interviews, or anything that's outside of what you do with your friends and family. Use the Stranger Danger Phone instead. We'll tell you what to get in this episode. Future posts will expand on how to set it up for the most privacy possible. Never give your real phone number to anyone outside of your friends and family.

-It's true that a lot of privacy advise out there is overkill for most people. But at the same time ... Authoritarianism is on the rise all over the planet. We take the better safe than sorry approach in terms of what information we're giving, which is why we suggest putting your Stranger Danger phone into a Faraday bag.

-What are the super basic things everyone should know? An assload of people way smarter than us put them all in a helpful letter right here. Basically:

-Use two factor authentication, which is something Standard Notes offers you with the paid edition. (Standard Notes is what we recommend people use over Google Docs or Microsoft Word, and OnlyOffice if they need to collaborate with other people.)

-Make sure your devices are up to date. So, make sure you turn your phone off at least once a week and then turn it back on, for example.

-Use a password manager like Bitwarden or KeePassXC.

-And start using passphrases instead of passwords whenever possible. These, like your passwords, should be long, unique, and something that's only been used once. Have some fun with this. GarfieldNomoBlue is 16 characters, the recommended length, unique, never been used — until right now — and memorable.

Highlights From Our Interview with Frank M. Ahearn

1. The algorithms are shaping our behavior. We're not stopping and thinking, "Should I post that?" and filming people, often without their knowledge and consent for "content." It's not ok. Bring back (offline) shaming for people who film other people without their consent.
2. As our guest said it, "And that explains privacy in a nutshell. Ain't nobody doing it for you, but yourself.
3. Create a Shadow Self to feed misinformation into social media platforms you are no longer using, in order to throw off what data is out there about you. And remember, it's perfectly acceptable to lie to Netflix. They don't need to know when your real birthday is.

Resources (NO Affiliate Links. This is what we use.)

Our Sponsor: DuckDuckGo <--Our Recommended Browser and VPN

Get Your Privacy Notebook: Get your Leuchtturm1917 notebook here.

-BitWarden.com (Password Manager: easier to use, costs money)

- KeepPassXC (Password Manager: free, harder to use, but more secure)

-Slnt Privacy Stickers for Phones and Laptops

-Slnt Faraday bag for your Stranger Danger phone.

-Mic-Lock Microphone Blockers

-Mic-Lock Camera Finder Pro

-BitDefender (best anti-virus for most people across most devices)

-Stop using SMS and WhatsApp, start using Signal.

-Use Element instead of Slack for group coordination

--Use cash whenever possible. If you have to buy something online, try to use Privacy.com to shield your actual credit or debit card when making purchases online.

Get In Touch: You can contact us here

Want the full transcript for this week's episode?

Easy. All you gotta do is sign-up for our free newsletter. If you do, you'll also get a .mp3 and .pdf of our new book, "How to Protect Yourself From Fascists & Weirdos" as soon as it's ready.

Stupid Sexy Privacy Season 1, Episode 16 Transcript

DuckDuckGo Commercial #2 

Announcer: Hey, here's a joke. Knock knock.

Announcer 2: It's Google Chrome, and I don't need to ask who's there. I already know it's you. I know your search history, your email address, location, device settings, even your financial and medical data.

Announcer: Wow, that's not funny. Now I'm definitely switching to DuckDuckGo.

Announcer 2: That's smart. If you use Google Search or Chrome, your personal information is probably exposed. And that's no laughing matter. The free DuckDuckGo browser protects your personal information from hackers, scammers, and data-hungry companies. 

DuckDuckGo has a search engine built in, but unlike Google, it never tracks your searches.  And you can browse like on Chrome, but it blocks most cookies and ads that follow you around.

DuckDuckGo is built for data protection, not data collection. That's why it's used by millions to search and browse online. Don't wait. Download the free DuckDuckGo browser today. Visit DuckDuckGo.com or wherever you get your apps.

Our Intro

Rosie: Welcome to another edition of Stupid Sexy Privacy. 

Andrew: A podcast miniseries sponsored by our friends at DuckDuckGo. 

Rosie: I’m your host, Rosie Tran. 

You may have seen me on Rosie Tran Presents, which is now available on Amazon Prime.

Andrew: And I’m your co-producer, Andrew VanVoorhis. With us, as always, is Bonzo the Snow Monkey.

Bonzo: Monkey sound!

Rosie: I’m pretty sure that’s not what a Japanese Macaque sounds like.

Andrew: Oh it’s not. Not even close.

Rosie: Let’s hope there aren’t any zooologists listening.

Bonzo: Christmas Sound!

Rosie: Ok. I’m ALSO pretty sure that’s not what a Snow Monkey sounds like.

*Clear hers throat*

Rosie: Over the course of this miniseries, we’re going to offer you short, actionable tips to protect your data, your privacy, and yourself from fascists and weirdos.

These tips were sourced by our fearless leader — he really hates when we call him that — BJ Mendelson. 

Episodes 1 through 31 were written a couple of years ago. 

But since a lot of that advice is still relevant, we thought it would be worth sharing again for those who missed it.

Andrew: And if you have heard these episodes before, you should know we’ve gone back and updated a bunch of them.

Even adding some brand new interviews and privacy tips along the way.

Rosie: That’s right. So before we get into today’s episode, make sure you visit StupidSexyPrivacy.com and subscribe to our newsletter.

Andrew: This way you can get updates on the show, and be the first to know when new episodes are released in 2026.

Rosie: And if you sign-up for the newsletter, you’ll also get a free pdf and mp3 copy of BJ and Amanda King’s new book, “How to Protect Yourself From Fascists & Weirdos.” All you have to do is visit StupidSexyPrivacy.com

Andrew: StupidSexyPrivacy.com

Rosie: That’s what I just said. StupidSexyPrivacy.com.

Andrew: I know, but repetition is the key to success. You know what else is?

Rosie: What?

Bonzo: Christmas Sound!

Rosie: I’m really glad this show isn’t on YouTube, because they’d pull it down like, immediately.

Andrew: I know. Google sucks.

Rosie: And on that note, let’s get to today’s privacy tip!

This Week’s Privacy Tip

Rosie Tran, Host of Stupid Sexy Privacy: Owning a smartphone is expensive. So why would you want another one? Think of your second phone as a condom for your primary phone. You use your primary phone to interact with your friends and family. And you use your second phone to interact with strangers you wanna f***. BJ wanted to call the second phone “the stranger danger phone,” but we're not gonna let him do that. Now, there are a couple of instances where you would wanna use a second phone. First, if you're a content creator of some kind.

For example, you never want to set up your public social media accounts using your real phone number and email address. Another example is what we're going to focus on here over the next few weeks, online dating. You don't need to spend much money on the second phone. Any prepaid phone will do as long as they meet the requirements we will share with you in this episode. Your second phone should be able to run Signal, the Burner app or Google Voice and at least two ride sharing apps.

Don't rely on just one of the ride sharing apps in the event of limited driver availability when you need to make a break for it. When you're going out on a date, have all of them ready to go. That's all you need this phone for. I mean,  you can also use it to sell drugs, but that's beyond the scope of this podcast. Although, if you are selling drugs and know where to get great weed, please call BJ. Also, since we're talking about online dating, feel free to give BJ a call if you own a Wonder Woman costume and like being tied up.

Andrew, I really need final script approval on this show …

Where was I?  

For phone recommendations, we recommend any of the Google Pixel A series. These are the budget Pixel phones made by Google that come with the headphone jack, which if you remember our previous episodes, you want to have so you can use a microphone blocker.

[Reader Note: The Pixel 9A does NOT have a headphone jack, but that’s ok. Since this episode was first recorded, Mic-Lock has a USB-C adapter you can plug into your phone that’ll do the same thing. https://mic-lock.com/products/mic-lock-usb-c-with-soundpass. We still recommend the Pixel A series for those who need a new Secondary Phone or Stranger Danger Phone.

 For service recommendations, we recommend Mint Mobile. They offer a plan for $15 a month that give you four gigs of data.

[Reader Note: In the audio, you’ll hear Rosie say it’s four gigs of data for a month, but as of this writing on December 11th, 2025, they offer 5 gigs for three months with a $45 upfront payment. After the three months are up you can get a new number if needed, or renew for another three months with Mint Mobile. Most recently, BJ was working on a Primary Election in June, to make get out the vote phone calls under the pseudonym of “Charlie Puddles.” He used an old Pixel 3A with a Mint Mobile physical sim card that he purchased online with a Privacy.com card. After the three months were up, he didn’t need the number anymore, so he didn’t renew it. 

You don’t necessarily need a brand new phone for some uses of the second phone — like the one outlined in this old episode, for most people in most cases.

If you are at a higher risk, like if you’re a journalist or if there’s a fascist or weird]o after you, you’ll want a new phone. Particularly one purchased in cash, by a friend. 

If you're only using the phone for arranging online dates and getting to and from them safely, this should be more than enough data. Now, just a quick thing. Mint Mobile has recently had some serious security breaches. So, if you want to go with them, make sure to immediately turn on your two-factor authentication and use the Authy app to generate a code. You'll need this code ever so often to log into Mint Mobile, but this will protect your account from being taken over. 

[Reader note: If you go with our recommendation to use Standard Notes — instead of Google Docs or Microsoft Words, and OnlyOffice if you need to collaborate with someone — the paid version of Standard Notes offers you a two-factor authentication service. So you don’t need Authy. And remember for those who don’t know what 2FA or two-factor authentication is, or multi-factor authentication, it just means having two ways to log into an account. So like if you have a Substack, when you go to log in it’ll send you an email (that’s one factor) and then you click on the email and then Substack will ask you for a code from authentication app. (That’s two factor.) It just means having two layers of protection to get into your account. Like some kind of condom with a cape on it.]

Your new phone will need a new email. You can set up a new Gmail account or use ProtonMail. 

[Reader note: Strong emphasis on the word NEW.]

Once you set up your new phone number, there's something that you absolutely must do with one exception. Never give it out to anyone. 

Nobody should have this number but you. But to interact with strangers, you're going to need a decoy number, which brings us to the one exception. 

That means that Google Voice or Burner, if you prefer, will need your phone's number to set up the decoy. The decoy number is what you're going to use for everything. This way, nobody can stalk and harass you through texts and calls.

The decoy number will forward all calls and texts to your second phone's real number. To set this up, go to Google Voice and create a new phone number. Once you have your Google Voice number, you can download the Signal app and use your Google Voice number to activate it. Once you've got the decoy phone number, you're ready to download the dating apps. In the next two episodes, we're going to cover how to protect yourself when using these apps and how to protect yourself when you're out on a date. But before we wrap up, there are two more things we want you to get for your new Stranger Danger phone.

… God damn it, now BJ has me calling it that too. 

The first thing you need is a Faraday bag. We'll include a link to where to purchase one in the show notes. The Faraday bag is where your second phone should live when it's not in use. This will prevent it from giving off any kind of signal or allowing for it to be tracked. A Faraday bag is the physical equivalent of throwing your phone into a black hole. As long as it's in the bag,  nobody can access it. Not even Batman. You only want to take this phone out to arrange dates and go on them. At all other times, keep it in the Faraday bag. 

The other thing you'll want is a battery pack. Never go on a date without having your phone fully charged. We recommend the [removed], which will allow you to charge your phone quickly no matter where you are. 

[Reader note: These days the charging technology is so good, just do some searching on DuckDuckGo or check out the wirecutter recommendations for best portable powerbanks.]

We know online dating can be a terrifying experience. BJ and I are part of the generation that remembers when dating through Craigslist was a thing. But online dating can be a lot of fun. Just by listening to today's episode, you're 25% safer now than you were before. And over the next two episodes, we'll get you as close to 100% as we can.

[Reader note: We changed the order of some of the older episodes. So just ignore that. We WILL get to online dating and personal safety in this series.]

Special Guest Interview: Frank M. Ahearn.

(This is a new interview recorded in November of 2025. The transcript has been lightly edited for clarity and flow.)

Rosie: Are you still listening? Next, we have a very special guest, Frank M. Ahern,  bestselling author of “How to Disappear.”  Take it away, BJ. 

BJ Mendelson, co-producer, Stupid Sexy Privacy: Hi, Frank. Thank you so much for joining us  for another interview with Stupid Sexy Privacy. How are you doing? 

Frank M. Ahearn, author of “How to Disapear”: Great. Listen, I truly appreciate it. I'm doing well. I can't complain. Life is good, you know? 

BJ Mendelson: And for people who  might have missed the first interview, would you like to take a moment just to introduce yourself and tell us about some of the books that you've put out and some of the work you do?

Frank M. Ahearn: I'm Frank M. Ahearn, I'm a privacy expert. I work with people that have extreme privacy issues. Sometimes it's about violence, stalking, people need to disappear, I help them disappear, or blackmail and extortion. Just if you have an extreme issue, I have this ability to figure it out. I wrote a book called How to Disappear, like 11, 12 years ago, and just recently a new one, How to Disappear, the AI War Edition and some blackmail books as well. So I try to keep myself busy. 

BJ: How to Disappear was, I think, one of the first privacy books that I read and it was a real eye opener. So I've been a big fan of your work and I was really excited to read the updated edition, which is a lot of what I'm going to ask you about. But before we get into that, can you just explain for people who might not know what a skip tracer is? And how that job has changed from like when you first wrote how to disappear the original edition versus how to disappear the AI edition?

Frank: Well, skip tracing was the fine art of finding people. But what was different about me is that I was also a social engineer where I was able to extract private information through pretext and social engineering, lying for a living. And using that information to hunt people down. So it made me really good at it because I could pull phone records, bank records, credit card records, travel records. You name it, I could get it. And so that was then, I don't do any of the skip tracing anymore. Those days are thankfully over. And it's a lot different because I do know people who still do it. And they're just like, it's not as easy as it used to be. It's a lot more difficult because the companies are just a lot more conscientious as far as like people pre-texting and  proving you're the customer and stuff like that. So it's a lot more difficult today. 

BJ: Absolutely. So tell me about what makes the use of machine learning and predictive analytics or just AI for short so dangerous for people that are looking to disappear today?  

Frank: Well, the true question is I don't exactly know … and just bear with me while I explain that.  I think it's almost looking at like this infinite sort of danger. Okay.  Not so much the AI itself, but those behind it, like governments, big business  using that.  And I think  what's changed in disappearing, the days of prepaid phones are over, you know,  quote, you know, off the radar. It's more about your behavior because in essence, in order to disappear in the future, you need to disappear from yourself  because it's about behavior, how you type, when you scroll, where you scroll, how  you tap your debit card.  There's just so many variables to it that it's difficult to escape from all of them. 

BJ: Right. Yeah. And that's something that as I was reading the updated version of the book, it's something I don't think about, but you are spot on in pointing out that … If you go to Google, right, and you start typing something, but then stop, you know, that that's logged. Like that's something that their artificial intelligence is looking at. 

Frank: Well, I said, you know, I was messing around like chat GPT  and I just said, you know, in the future, when will people be able to disappear? And what will AI do to track them down? And it gave me like these 10 scary bully bullet points. And then I said to myself none of this has to do with the idea of the how to disappear books, the how to be invisible books, or the how to vanish books that are out there. They're to a degree just all regurgitated same stuff.

BJ: Right.

Frank: So I started thinking about what is disappearing in the future? And it really comes down to behavior, how you behave in a digital world. And that's the bottom line. 

BJ: I think you have a great quote that I wanted to read, which is, the billionaires built cages so invisible you thank them for the bars. And I was hoping you might be able to expand on how these tools are shaping our behavior.

Frank: Well, I don't… I think  the large part of society doesn't recognize  what they're giving away. And I always said this about, you know, social media and stuff like that. You know, you're posting pictures of your family, your friends and hamburgers. You're doing all of this work, but you're making the other people wealthy in a weird sort of way. It's almost like digital slavery without being aware of it. And, you know, people get caught up in it like it's real life.  You know, and it's like no, it's digital, it's BS, it's not real. Those Facebook people are not your friends. And having a thousand Instagram followers means nothing. But people are caught up in that cage as if it means something that has value to it. And there is no value to it. 

BJ Mendelson: Yeah, I worked on a few election campaigns. And I could say first hand, a lot of people were like, oh, on Facebook they were… They were killing us over this idea, but then they actually went and knocked door to door, and they found that the reality was quite different. That people loved the idea. So, yeah, it's very easy to believe that what you see on Facebook is reality. 

Frank: Sometimes people will say to me, you know, I'll meet someone and they'll be like, hey, you’re on Instagram? And I'm like, what, you don't want my phone number?  

BJ: Right

Frank: I'm not going to message you on Instagram. So, I mean, and I think it's, what I think is, just as I get to say just a little more about it, I just think it's a dangerous thing that people don't have this awareness of what they're actually doing. You're on social media, but they're making billions off of you and off of the world, all your content, and it's silly. 

BJ: Yeah, I think it's Nicholas Carr … I'm blanking. It's … we're talking about over a decade ago now, when I first wrote my book, but I think it was Nicholas Carr who called it “digital sharecropping.” 

[Reader note: Yes. It was Nicholas Carr who said this in his book, “The Shallows.”]

Frank: I never heard that. That's a great … that's absolutely great. 

BJ: But that's, yeah, that's, you're exactly right. You're basically working for the tech billionaires. Like Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg make millions and billions off of your activity. 

Frank: If you're using social media for your business, and you're making money, that's good. You know, listen, writers, artists, musicians, they do use social media and that's a good use of it.

Snapping hamburgers and hoping people like it is not a good use for it.  

BJ: That's right. Yeah, sometimes you're forced into it. Sometimes your industry says, you need X amount of Instagram followers in order to get a book published, right? So you kind of get cornered into it.  

Frank: I know. mean, like Bukowski would have followers?

BJ: (laughs) That's right.

Frank: I think he would be canceled almost immediately. 

BJ: Like, yeah, he would be cancelled almost immediately … .  Let me ask you.  So just after I read  the updated version of How to Disappear …  I kind of came away with this impression that it's basically impossible to truly vanish. So the solution seems to be to create like this shadow self, which is what you talked about. Do I have that right? Like that's sort of the… The goal is that, we should create a shadow self that continues to feed the machine while our true selves kind of fizz out. 

Frank: Yes. I think we have to kind of almost like reinterpret the idea of what disappearing and what vanishing happens to be. It's no more from, you know, going from where you are to the Cayman Islands, because you could cover all your tracks. But the minute you sign online, you can be located, in time by an algorithm, okay? So it's about creating these digital skins or these synthetic digital things that go out and do things for you and just do bits and pieces about you in different places. It's pretty much creating disinformation to try to fool the algorithm. Now, the reality is, whether that's going to work in the future, is yet to be seen. We don't know at this point.

BJ: Right. I'm curious to get your thoughts on this because, by the time people hear this interview, we would have aired our interview with Rebecca Williams at the ACLU; and she made this great point of it's possible to be too extreme also. Like if you're at a protest and you have a completely locked down phone, you stand out as an anomaly compared to the other people who probably haven't taken these security steps. So it's almost like … Even if you did the Michael Bazzell Extreme Privacy stuff, or the original How to Disappear stuff …  And let's say you go completely off the grid, even then,  you know, something that you talked about in your book  is that you're just  one mistake away from being caught.  

Frank: Right. But the reality is, in this world today, okay, you know, for lack of a better term, I mean, if you use Antifa as a hashtag, you are in somebody's view. So there's almost like there's no right or wrong. There's a balance that you do have to figure out. You know what? I mean, listen, if you're in a protest, the first thing I would be doing is make sure nobody can identify me, whether it be my boss, whether somebody snaps a photo, pops it on Twitter, whatever it may be. So I think it's just a question of, you know, finding your rules for protecting your identity. 

Book Ad

Amanda King, Stupid Sexy Privacy Co-Host: Hey everyone, this is Amanda King, one of the co-hosts of Stupid Sexy Privacy.

These days, I spend most of my time talking to businesses and clients about search engine optimization.  

But  that's not what this is about. 

I wanted to tell you a little bit about a book I've co-authored with BJ Mendelsohn called How to Protect Yourself from Fascists and Weirdos.  And the title tells you pretty much everything you would want to know about what's in the book.  

And thanks to our friends at DuckDuckGo,  we'll actually be able to give you this book for free  in 2026.

All you need to do  is go to the website stupidsexyprivacy.com  and sign up to our newsletter.  

Again, that website is stupidsexyprivacy.com and then put your name in the box and sign up for our newsletter.  We'll let you know when the  book  and the  audiobook is ready.

If you want a PDF  copy that's DRM free,  it's yours. And if you want  an MP3 of the new audiobook, also DRM free, you could get that too. 

Now, I gotta get outta here before Bonzo corners me because he doesn't think that SEO is real and I don't have the patience to argue with him. I got a book to finish.

Interview Part 2

BJ: What are some good examples of misinformation that …  Let's say someone's listening to us and they're kind of thinking “oh, I just hand over all my information whenever these things ask. What are some good examples of misinformation they could start to feed into the machine? 

Frank: You know, I think using prepaid phones are a good idea in the sense that you don't necessarily have to use your own identity. You can get somebody else to buy the phone for you. OK. The idea is not having any social media in your name whatsoever, not posting any photos of yourself. I mean, the only photos you see of me online are some media stuff. Right? That picture of me with my shades on and a black t-shirt. That's it. You know, it's controlling yourself like that.  People will have email addresses and it has your name in it. Their email might be like JW7592 and whatever, but then when you receive the email, you see their full name. It kind of makes no sense.  So I think it's removing yourself from the digital world, removing yourself from the connections.  How can this identify me? And also it's learning to fool the machine.

I typed in to chat[gpt], tell me what you learned from me using my computer. And it just gave me all this stuff about me, my hesitations.  And,  you know,  it's rethinking what you are in the digital world. If you want to create privacy, you can't be connected to it. There should be no social media, you know, or the social media should not be in your name.  No identifiers. No locations. Everybody you connect with online is a digital threat because you don't really know who they are. 

BJ: You made this great point about minimalism and reducing the time spent on these devices. What's the best way to do that? Is it, do you just cut it off cold turkey or do you basically ghost these platforms slowly? 

Frank: I think it's a question of, you know, how do I say? Valuing your time. I mean, listen, it's easy to get caught up and watch all these like YouTube short videos, you know? I'm saying it's like, it's just a high to it. You know,  it's either choosing not to use, you know, certain social media on your phone. Maybe just have it on your laptop. You know, like I use an iPad, I don't have a TV set. So I use an iPad, but I have no TV.  I use YouTube only, you know, Netflix, Amazon.

Choosing what's on my device is what I find important. Most people have like 38 apps on their phones. How many of them do they really use? If it doesn't serve a purpose, it should be gone. 

BJ: Absolutely. I don't know if it's true anymore, you know, but about 10 years ago, there was a study that said  most apps are downloaded once and then never used again and people just leave them. So you're spot on.  

Frank: I know. Talk about like laziness. You  know, it's a weird thing. Because we don't have that physical sense to it, so we let things slide. It's like blackmail. I do a lot of blackmail work where people get caught online. They start chatting with someone and they think that person is who they say they are. And with an app on our phone, most people don't have any clue as to what it's actually doing on our phone, whether it's location, contacts, and things of that nature. If you don't need it, get rid of it. If you don't use it, get rid of it.

BJ: And so in terms of the social media, would you recommend, let's say someone wants to get off Instagram, would you recommend they just delete it cold turkey or do they slowly get rid of It?

Frank: It depends what their motivation is. If they're looking to … Me? I would just basically start just posting bullshit.  That has nothing to do with me. They're just kind of out there left field and then make sure there's no identifiers in my photos, nothing in my house. And then I would just, you know, leave it be or dump it. I don't think it really makes a difference.  

BJ: Something else we totally agree on is you should always carry cash and you should always carry your passport.  We started recommending that, you know, if you're listening to the show and you're American, you should definitely be carrying your passport right now. But I was curious about  what made you suggest always carrying cash and always carrying your passport? 

Frank: Well, I mean, listen, they can freeze your bank account. can't use your debit card, but they can't freeze your cash in your pocket. 

BJ: Right. 

Frank: You know, and the passport, you know, I just always have my passport because, you know, I travel so much and there's a sense of security in it. I know that I can go if I need to. 

BJ: Yeah. And is that true also with, let's say, um, the trusts or the LLCs, cause I saw that you mentioned, you know, if you have a car, if you have a home or you have utilities, don't put it in your real name, put in an LLC's name.  

Frank: Right, that's I mean, that's, know, that's quote disappearing more from like human being and you know, whether it be like creditors predators and things like that,  You know, the LLC is a good … it depends on the state like New Mexico and uh is like a really good state. There's another state I can't remember which one it is.  But yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have anything in my name.  

I always said, even way back when,  the idea is to be a virtual entity. Where nothing connects to you. That's the way to quote, be a disappeared person. Because if it can connect to you, you're not disappeared. 

But today, you know, even if we don't use anything that's connected to us, in time, you turn on that laptop or that phone, even though it has no identifiers and you start using it and your patterns are located. It's all about our patterns. And that's what I find the fear of the future.  It's no longer the the facial recognition. It's no longer the footprints, the digital. It's the way we type something in Google, the way we look, the hesitations.  That can create the pattern and locate us. 

BJ: Yeah.  Let me ask you real quick about hiring a digital second. What's been the experience with that with clients? Who do you talk to if you want to hire a digital second? It's definitely not friends and family, right? Like you want to hire someone that's got some distance? 

Frank: Yeah, you want somebody totally out of your life. And there's just so many services you can use outside the US. you know, there's … just a very simple example, like Fiverr, but the point is, you know, you want to make sure that that individual doesn't exactly know what you're doing, what your identity is. So there's various international services you can use to do things for you. You really gotta remember it comes down to your predator and what you're looking to accomplish. 

BJ: Yeah, so let me ask you about that real quick because I think when you deal with the blackmail stuff, do you find that people think about this at all? Or do you find that people are kind of shell shocked to learn, Oh, hey, you know, that's not actually Elvis that they're talking to.”

Frank: I can tell you stories that would just below your mind. The blackmail stuff, people want to believe it's real, just like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. So when people are online, they want to believe the person's real. You know, I've worked cases where somebody thought that they were,  you know, chatting on Russell Crowe's secret Instagram account and they were sending him like five grand here,10 grand here because he was traveling, couldn't reach his accountant. I think it comes down to wanting to believe. We want to believe that Instagram won't misuse our information.

You know, we want to believe that the government is actually protecting our identity, but they're not, you know, it always comes down to like that, that, that old song  from Meatloaf, you know, there ain't no Coupe de Ville hiding in the bottom of a crackerjack box.  And that explains privacy  in a nutshell. Ain't nobody doing it for you, but yourself. 

BJ: Yeah. You have this, you have this terrific quote. We  said, you don't need to disappear to think about privacy. The problem is most people don't think about it at all.  And  I was kind of curious if you could just expand on that a bit. I know we touched on it a little bit, but how can people who think that they're smart be so stupid when not thinking about this stuff?  

Frank:  I don't think it's stupid though. You know,  I think it's just a question of we have different  fight  and flight modes.  We're in a bar. We're talking to somebody and they're kind of creepy. Everything goes up. We're aware. It's like, let's move down to the other end of the bar, you know, but in the digital world, those things don't pop up with people. There's no, there's, no gut feeling. It's you want to, they want to believe it's real. So people will go with the benefit of doubt. They've always got a Facebook friend who's got 200 friends on it. It's a weird sort of digital thing. 

BJ: My last question for you. Oh, go ahead …

Frank: No, I just don't get it to be honest with you. 

BJ: Yeah, no, I mean, I mean, I make fun. I'm joking. How can you be so smart and do stupid things? But we know all the time, like if you think you're the smartest person in the room, you are absolutely in the wrong room.  

Frank: Right. 

BJ: Before we go … there's something we touched on in the last interview, but we get a lot of questions about this. And  when it comes to blackmail, what typically do you advise people on how to avoid these scams?

Frank: Never send compromising photos, number one. That's like the key. Once you hit send, they own it. There's nothing you can do about it.  And the other thing is,  you know,  not chatting  from an identifiable social media or mobile phone.  So a lot of people get caught up in blackmail, married men,  because they'll contact someone, start chatting with them, but they're doing it from their mobile number, which then you pop into like a database account and then you get their name, address, wife, employment and everything. 

You know, see, it's always about hiding your identifiers. And the thing I say in blackmail,  men will go out of their way to hide what they're doing from their spouse. They'll be full tilt privacy mode, but they're not full tilt privacy mode when they're chatting with strangers.  And because they believe they trust.  

BJ: Do you find it's mostly men like do you do you encounter like, what is the ratio? 

Frank: Typically men become victims of blackmail. Women become victims of romance scams, which are a lot more brutal, you know, because it's emotional. They wipe them out financially.  And then when it's over and done with, they blackmail the women if they send compromising photos. Romance scams are brutal, man. Most men get over blackmail rather quickly.  Women, it takes time.

BJ: And what do you, what do you recommend if you, if you have someone who's been the victim of a romance scandal, like what are the steps that they should take? 

Frank: The problem with the romance scams is they're wiped out. A lot of them just spend a lot of money and trying to recover those funds are really, really difficult. I have information on my website about, you know, people can read about romance scams. It's a hardcore thing, man. It's really hardcore.

BJ: Tell us the website so people can go and check out the answers. 

Frank: FrankAhern.com. 

BJ: Awesome. Is there,  and this is the question I always ask everyone, is there something I didn't ask you ah that you'd like to touch on?  

Frank: I think one thing, I think your privacy, you need to start preparing it for the future if you're not privacy conscious. Because what's coming, we just don't know. And that's it. 

BJ: Yeah.It's like the old boy scout motto, “be prepared.”

Frank: Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, because you know, the life you have today, you just never know what it's going to be in five years from now. 

BJ: Or two. 

Frank: I mean, know, all those stupid people on Facebook, they post all this crazy stuff, not realizing that their job sees it then they get fired. 

BJ: Yeah. You know, it's these things sort of, we touched on a little bit with the algorithms, right? They kind of control you to the point where they're suggesting you should contribute, right? That you should say something. Twitter's prompt used to be what's on your mind. And I think people don't … it's so important. It's something you touched on in the book quite a bit. And it's something we talk a lot about is there's no thought, right? There's no stopping and saying, should I send that? It's just, you're constantly being bombarded with messages to share. 

Frank: Right. And it's just one other thing: what drives, what I think really is wrong in life. … And it is people who video other people who do things wrong and then post it online.  

Never, never taking consideration … You have no idea what happened that day with that person. You know, you don't know their parent died,  this, whatever it may be,  you know, and there's just, there's no responsibility. Oh, let me just post it. They're acting like an idiot. We've all acting like idiots. Doesn't mean we should be shown to the world. 

BJ: Right. Yeah. There's, there's a, a plague of like [online] social shaming and then that in turn shapes people's behavior, right? Because then you don't want to wind up being the main character of the day, to use the old Twitter expression. So yeah, it's something that  I'm kind of horrified about. And  I think we should bring back [offline] shame.  Personally, we should shame people who…

Frank:  Isn't that the same thing as a public execution?  

BJ: (laughs) it is. But If you post someone slipping and falling,  that's going to follow them … I think about the Star Wars kid. You know, he was one of the original memes and that that kid had a lifetime of emotional issues that followed that recording coming out there and it's wrong.  

Frank: I mean, even somebody who's like a rude customer. I mean, do all you people need to pull your phones out and post it on your Twitter? 

BJ: Right.  

Frank: To me, that's just, it's just anti-social. And people shouldn't learn harsh lessons in such a harsh way.

BJ: Right. I totally agree on that. I want to bring back [offline] shame for people who do that.

[Reader note: Our official position is that you should never film anyone without their consent, and wearing a camera on your person or glasses — unless you’re a cop — is something that we shouldn’t allow to be socially acceptable.]

Frank:  I want everybody to know what a terrible person that person is. Why? 

BJ: Right. Because I mean, we've been you know, it's sort of what you touched on in the book, which is that the algorithm, the algorithm is shaping our behavior and we're not shaping our behavior. not stopping and thinking.

Frank: And they want to see how many likes and reposts they get and how many hearts they get. I mean, There's a heart on it. It's heartless.  

Live Read For DuckDuckGo

Rosie: There are two economies in America. 

One for the wealthy, and one for you and me. 

And the one for you and me resembles what used to be called a “third-world country.” 

These days, we more politely call them “developing countries.”

And we should!

Because with the way things are going, those developing countries are soon going to kick our ass. 

And offer things like universal healthcare coverage.

So, we know managing your privacy, data security, and anonymity can get expensive.

Which leads to the question: What’s the least you can do, to get the most in protecting yourself from fascists and weirdos?

We’d like to recommend the following:

-Use Signal for all text messaging with your friends, family, co-workers, and fellow protestors. Do NOT use WhatsApp.

-Use Bitwarden to manage your passwords.

And last but not least, get the DuckDuckGo Subscription Plan.

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Our Outro

Rosie: This episode of Stupid Sexy Privacy was recorded in Hollywood, California.

It was written by BJ Mendelson, produced by Andrew VanVoorhis, and hosted by me, Rosie Tran.

And of course, our program is sponsored by our friends at DuckDuckGo.

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So, please take a moment to leave us a review, and I’ll see you right back here next Thursday at midnight. 

After you watch Rosie Tran Presents on Amazon Prime, right?